


Bare Necessities

by Maverick



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 12:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1649009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maverick/pseuds/Maverick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney and John and bears, Oh My.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bare Necessities

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [The Worst Case Scenario Challenge ](http://www.livejournal.com/users/slodwick/525462.html)

It started off as a great day. John's team had spent the morning and much of the afternoon helping to bring in the first truly fruitful harvest of the Athosian crops. It was hard work, but it brought with it a great sense of accomplishment. Even Rodney seemed strangely content to work on the makeshift combines that he and Zelenka had put together. Those combines would cut the Athosian workload in half, so they were treating Rodney with a kind of reverence that clearly made him uncomfortable.  
  
After they were treated to a citrus free feast in celebration of the harvest, John was hot and sweaty and really wanted to cool down. He remembered a lake farther inland that Major Lorne and his team had found when they had done training exercises a few weeks back. While three sides of the lake were surrounded by thick vegetation and a large, sprawling forest, the fourth side had a flat grassy plateau perfect for landing a jumper on. Beyond that was a pebbled path that led directly to a black-sanded shoreline. The water was crystal clear, nontoxic and the perfect temperature for swimming according to the scientific survey that followed the discovery.  
  
John decided as the ranking military officer he should check it out for himself. He asked his team if they wanted to come along. Both Teyla and Ronon declined. Before Rodney could express his desire to stay or go, Teyla had insisted that John take Rodney with him just as a precaution as swimming alone, especially at night was never a good idea. Of course, John was pretty sure that her request was just Teyla's diplomatic way of giving Rodney an out of an uncomfortable situation. For a genius and for someone who spent a lot of time saving the day, Rodney didn't handle genuine gratitude well. He usually ended up making an ass of himself even when he didn't mean to. So taking Rodney with him was probably a good idea.  
  
Of course, John was questioning that judgment from the moment the jumper took off. Rodney couldn't understand why John would want to go swimming at night. He sat next to him and listed the various ways in which John could die a horrible death. And then he made it perfectly clear that he wouldn't be jumping in after John to save him.  
  
John just nodded and set the jumper down on that plateau. He and Rodney walked down to the edge of the lake and Rodney conceded that it was indeed beautiful, but he still wasn't going swimming.  
  
Tired from the day and from Rodney's endless forecast of doom, John decided a good offense was the best defense. It wasn't that John particularly minded Rodney's litanies. In fact, most of the time it took more effort to keep from smiling than anything else. Rodney was a force of nature, a sometimes loud, obnoxious force of nature, but a force nonetheless. And John was smart enough to know that he wouldn't want him any other way.  
  
He was also smart enough to know that he *wanted* Rodney. It wasn't smart or advisable, falling for a team member, but it wasn't like Rodney was one of his subordinates. Rodney was his equal and then some, and he was tired of fighting the attraction. All that was left to see was if the other man felt the same. So yeah, it was time to go on the offensive.  
  
Removing his headset and weapons first, John wiggled his eyebrows at Rodney. Rodney rolled his eyes until the moment John started to take off his clothes. The removal of his jacket and vest were met with a stuttering intake of breath. Looking over at Rodney, he smiled, a genuine one, as he tried to make a good show of it when he slowly stripped off his black t-shirt. He had been pretty sure that Rodney was as attracted to him, but the other man's reaction gave him absolute proof.  
  
The entire time, Rodney just stood there silent. John smiled and winked as he undid the belt on his pants. It appeared that maybe he had found a way to finally silence Rodney. It was good intel to have. Although, he guessed stripping down to his skivvies probably wouldn't be advisable on most of their missions, but he would savor the silence while he could.  
  
Setting his gear down on a large smooth rock several feet from the water, John, now clad only in his boxers, turned to Rodney and smiled again. "Wanna skinny-dip?" Even in the low light of night, John could see the blush spread across Rodney's face as the other man shook his head. "I'll take that as a no," he said with a raise of an eyebrow before wading into the water.  
  
The temperature was indeed perfect. The cool night air and the warm water was just what he needed after a long hard day of work. When the water was up to his waist, he dove underneath and began swimming. While nowhere near the sense of purpose and freedom he experienced when flying, swimming was a welcome form of relaxation. He'd have to talk to Elizabeth about bringing their people out here for a picnic. It was the perfect setting. He just wished he could get Rodney to join him. They could have lots of fun in the water together.  
  
After swimming several laps, John's muscles began to burn from the exertion of the day, so he stopped and tread water for a while. He looked over to the shore and couldn't help smiling at the image of Rodney walking along the water's edge. He had taken off his shoes and socks and was letting the water splash against his bare feet. John began to wonder if maybe he would be able to get Rodney to join him in the water after all. It was worth a try anyway.  
  
Swimming back to shallow water, John emerged from the water to find Rodney staring at him. And this time, the look couldn't be mistaken for anything but desire. He strutted over to where Rodney was standing and shook his head, much like a wet dog, dosing Rodney with flicks of water. "Come on, McKay. Strip down and come swimming with me."  
  
Running his hand down his chest to remove the water that John had splashed on him, Rodney shook his head. "It's not safe to go swimming for at least a half an hour after you've eaten."  
  
That was interesting. Rodney's voice sounded rough and tight, like it took a lot of effort to even get the words out. "We ate two hours ago." John reached out and massaged Rodney's shoulder with his wet hand. "Why won't you swim with me?" He ran his thumb across the pulse point on Rodney's neck, pleased to feel it racing.  
  
Rodney shuddered and pulled a wrapper from his pocket. "I just had a PowerBar."  
  
"Oh, okay. That explains it." John wasn't going to push him into something he didn't want to do, but he had hope that Rodney would join him. If not with swimming, than something else. With one more squeeze to Rodney's shoulder, John stepped back toward the shore. "Well I'm going back in. You let me know if you change your mind."  
  
Rodney grabbed his hand and pulled him flush against his body making John stumble and almost tumble them both over. That's more like it John thought, leaning in for a kiss.  
  
But before their lips could meet, Rodney started singing. Very loudly.  
  
"On top of Spaghetti, all covered with cheese,  
I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed.  
  
It rolled off the table, and onto the floor,  
And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door."  
  
John was sure his jaw dropped and his eyebrow raised as Rodney kept on singing. This was bizarre even for the Pegasus Galaxy and he refused to believe that the idea of kissing him was reason enough for some sort of psychotic break that had McKay singing silly camp songs. It wasn't until Rodney started the third verse that he slowly turned John around to see whatever he was looking at. John clutched Rodney's wrist when he saw the large black bear rummaging through the clothes and gear he had sat down earlier. The bear was currently shredding his BDUs with his teeth.  
  
"Back up slowly," Rodney said in a singsongy voice to the On Top of Old Smokey tune he was still singing. They walked backwards, Rodney singing the whole time, until they were just outside the jumper.  
  
"What the hell was that?" John asked once inside the ship.  
  
Rodney looked at him like he was nuts. "That was a bear. A really big damn bear."  
  
Shutting the door to the jumper with his remote, John shivered. He wasn't sure if it was the fear or the fact that he was dripping wet. "Holy shit. I thought we were gonna be dinner back there."  
  
Rodney walked to the front of the jumper and watched the bear through the window. "Well if it's any consolation, a person is 180 times more likely to be killed by a bee and 160,000 times more likely to die in a car accident than in a bear attack."  
  
Yeah, they really needed to worry about car accidents here in the Pegasus Galaxy. "So...what? You wanted to up the odds by singing?"  
  
Rodney looked at John, his face scrunched up in a sour pout. "Yes, exactly Colonel because the Pegasus Galaxy doesn't have enough excruciating ways for us to die, I decided to add bear attacks to the list."  
  
John walked over to stand beside McKay. They both peered out the window and watched the bear doing some sort of tap dance on top of John's pants. "Well in case you haven't noticed, I'm wet, I'm nearly naked and a very large, very furry animal with huge teeth and claws from the look of it, is currently trying on my BDUs for size."  
  
Rodney turned to the side and smiled at John. "Well black is his color."  
  
John glared at Rodney. "Very funny. Another crack like that and I'm feeding you to him."  
  
Rodney glared back before sitting down in the co-pilot's seat. "Yes, let's resort to threats of physical violence after I saved your life."  
  
John snorted. "Saved my life? How exactly does belting out "On Top of Spaghetti" qualify as saving my life?"  
  
"For your information the worst thing you can do is startle a bear. You need to alert him of your presence."  
  
John sat down himself. "By serenading him with camp songs?"  
  
Rodney shot a look at John that could only be read as a pictorial view of calling him Fumbles McStupid before explaining himself. "Ringing bells is the standard and most recommended way to get a bear's attention, but I didn't think to bring any bells with me. Did you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So singing is next on the list. You're supposed to sing loudly and clearly until he acknowledges your presence and then keep singing as you slowly back away to safety."  
  
Okay, so John didn't know that, but there had to be a better choice than that stupid spaghetti song, something by Johnny Cash perhaps. Sure, a black bear would probably appreciate a song from the Man in Black. "But *that* song?"  
  
Clearly annoyed, Rodney began waving his hands frantically. "I went to Physics Camp in the States when I was kid. That's where I found out I was allergic to bees. I nearly died after being stung, so excuse me if I equate painful near death experiences with camp songs. It was the first thing that popped into my head. I didn't realize I was supposed to be taking requests while saving your life."  
  
John shook his head. Only Rodney. "So what you're telling me is that I shouldn't be concerned if the next time we encounter the Wraith, you break out into a verse of Michael Row the Boat Ashore?"  
  
It was Rodney's turn to snort. "You know I was going to offer you my jacket, but for that, you can just sit there and drip dry."  
  
John grinned at that. "Aww, come on Rodney, let me have your jacket. Please."  
  
Rodney took off his jacket and handed it to John. "Consider this another one you owe me. And I don't think I need to say it, but I will. I told you so."  
  
John slipped on the jacket and wrapped it around himself. He was still cold, but the jacket was warm from Rodney's body heat and that went a long way in heating him up. "Come on now, none of your scenarios mentioned bears."  
  
"Forgive me for forgetting that this galaxy is the epitome of Murphy's Law."  
  
Man it did feel like that sometimes. "Really. Bears? Who'd have thought?"  
  
"Apparently no one who conducted the survey of this area," Rodney looked over at John not starting the jumper up and frowned. "Is there a reason we're just sitting here and not flying back to the village where there will be towels, blankets and pants for you to wear?"  
  
John nodded. "I'm not leaving my gear out there. We'll let him rummage and when he's done, I'll go out there and get it."  
  
Rodney swiveled around to stare at John. "Are you insane?"  
  
"I'm not leaving a P-90 out there for some kid to find."  
  
Rodney nodded his head. "Yes, so much better to let them find your ripped apart and rotting corpse.  
  
John shuddered. "I said I'd wait until he was gone."  
  
Rodney just shook his head.  
  
They both sat there in silence for several minutes watching the bear who appeared to not be in any hurry to leave.  
  
John was growing restless. He was never good at waiting. However, watching the bear juggle his stuff reminded John of something. He smiled. Maybe they could make good use of this time after all. "You know, when I was at the Air Force Academy, I'd hear about some of the guys taking their girlfriends up to the garbage dump that was a few miles off base. It seems the bears liked to feed there."  
  
"So they fed their girlfriends to the bears. Wow. And I thought all my relationships ended badly."  
  
John stammered and just looked at Rodney. He broke out into a fit of laughter when he realized Rodney was kidding. "I've got to remember you've got a twisted sense of humor. I like that about you."  
  
Rodney smiled in response. "So let me guess, they'd go 'watch the bears' which was just a ruse to make out in the car."  
  
"Yes." Rodney was looking at him with such intensity that John was suddenly hot from the heat coming off the other man.  
  
Rodney squinted even harder like he was looking for something in John's eyes. John knew the moment he found it because Rodney grinned wide. "They do that in Canada too."  
  
"Really?" John asked licking his lips.  
  
Rodney nodded. "So do you want to?"  
  
John stood up and walked over to Rodney's seat. He swung his leg up and over until he was straddling the other man. His lips were already against Rodney's when he said, "Yes."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Much later, Rodney looked out the window again. "Hey look, he's gone."  
  
John was still sprawled out on the padded bench at the back of the jumper. "Cool." He stood up and pulled on his boxers, walking over to where Rodney was standing. He kissed Rodney's bare shoulder and slid his hand around his waist. "Well seeing you put your pants back on, I guess that's my cue to go grab my stuff. Wait here."  
  
Rodney followed John to the door of the jumper. "Be careful," Rodney said against John's ear. "I'm all out of camp songs."  
  
John smiled and reached back to squeeze Rodney's hand. "Don't worry, I know a few of my own. I'll be right back."  
  
Cocking Rodney's 9 mm as a precaution, John scurried down to where he had stowed his gear before quickly hightailing it back to the jumper. His shirt and pants were in shreds, but everything else was pretty much still intact. "Well other than mauling my clothes and munching on the PowerBars in my pockets, everything else looks all right."  
  
Rodney looked at him and said deadpan, "Yep, it looks like he only went for the bare necessities."  
  
John whapped him playfully on the head. "Oh my God, that's bad."  
  
"Yes, but you'll just have to grin and bare it."  
  
"Please stop." John examined his boots before squatting down to pull them back on.  
  
"Okay."  
  
John smiled and slung his arm around Rodney's shoulders. "You only stopped because you want into my pants."  
  
"Well, if you *had* pants."  
  
John kissed him hard. "You know McKay, sometimes you are unbearable."  
  
Rodney laughed. "I see what you mean. Enough with the bear. Let's go get you some new pants so I can get you out of them."  
  
John sat down and powered up the jumper. "Bare ass naked. Now that sounds like a plan I can get behind." He could feel Rodney's smile as they lifted off.  
  



End file.
